Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this is an emotional support booty call
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
