Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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