That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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