Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
