i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
