masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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