Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
