just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
