allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
