You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize