I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
