Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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