we have pet lesbian snakes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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