The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
