If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
