You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
