i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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