Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
