It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
