well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
