Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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