Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and she was petting her beer can
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
