What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
