Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
