I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
