The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
