Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
