**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
