and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
someone owes me an orgasm
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
