You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
