i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
