So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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