I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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