i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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