i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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