Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
