im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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