Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize