I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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