just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
