You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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