I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
