My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
