so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dicks are not precious.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
