please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
