Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
birth control should be required to get into college
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
