Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
