If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
