1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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