More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
