I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
