I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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