Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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