Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
