My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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