She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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