he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
