Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
