Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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