I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He felt like a one man threesome
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
