Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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