So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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