Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Actions speak louder than pants.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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