I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
